Risk Doesn’t Sell, and Fear Doesn’t Lead

By David Nour

One of the best exercises conducted over the years involving emotional intelligence consists of asking participants to differentiate between good and bad bosses. No matter where this question is asked, the answers are very similar. Bad bosses are described as being self-centered and arrogant and acting like bullies. Good bosses are invariably described as being good listeners and sensitive to others’ feelings and demonstrating democratic values. According to Tom Rath, author of Vital Friends, in an article from Performance, “These great managers care about each of their employees as a real human being, not just as a means to an end.”

A good coach, in our experience, raises the morale of the team by showing confidence in team spirit, specifically by sticking to his or her lineup even when there may be occasional losses.

A poor coach, on the other hand, punishes players by benching them when they perform poorly. Such players always have failure on their minds because they know they’ll be singled out as soon as they make a mistake. They may perform well for a while, but when the pressure builds they tend to fold. Learn More »

Where’s Your Clutter?

By Tricia Molloy

After completely cleaning out the clutter of my clothes closet earlier this year, I’m still pondering the lessons learned:

  • Forgiveness – “What was I thinking when I bought THAT?”
  • Acceptance – I fit into those size 6 pants for 15 minutes last year and will never be there again.
  • Letting Go – One giant trash bag of someone else’s treasures went to Good Will. I took a few select business clothes with me when I spoke to the Women’s Professional Group of Dress for Success.

Clutter distracts and confuses us and drains our energy. It gets in the way of what’s most important.

Clearing physical clutter, whether it’s a clothes closet or an office file cabinet, is a freeing experience. So is letting go of technical clutter, like too much Internet time or e-newsletters you never read, and emotional clutter, like toxic people and unnecessary obligations. When clutter is released, energy and clarity increase.

Where’s your clutter? Identify just one area of clutter in your life and take steps to clear it away. You’ll be amazed by what you’ll find in its place.

Worry – The Fiction That Rarely Happens

By Don Goewey

Mark Twain said: My life has been filled with calamities, some of which actually happened. There seems to be nothing more fictitious than the worry that goes on in our heads.  Now there is a study that proves it.   The now famous study by Matthews and Wells at the University of Cincinnati found 1 that eight-five percent (yes, 85%) of what we worry about never happens Moreover, 79% of us handle the 15% that does happen in ways that surprise us with our ability to turn the situation around.   Dr. Robert Leahy of the American Institute for Cognitive Therapy suggests that we write our worries down on a regular basis and see if they come true.  If you find that the content is always shifting, it indicates worry is a habit.

We laugh at Mark Twain’s joke because it’s so true.  But worry is no joke.  It causes serious problems.  Worry is the threshold to clinical depression.  The stress reactions   makes us prone to disease and the stress hormones it produces debilitates higher brain function.  Seniors who worry are twice as likely to develop dementia.

The good news is that conquering worry is simpler than one might think. A tool as simple as The Clear Button can head worry off at the pass.  Here’s how it works: Learn More »

Seeing the Big Picture

By David Ryback, Ph.D.

You ask a new employee out to lunch, hoping to establish a link with someone who has an expertise that is very useful to you.  She turns you down without any specific explanation and without reference to a future lunch date.  You might end up feeling at least some sadness, no matter how mindful you are in the habit of staying aware.  So you spend the free moments of the afternoon contemplating how she really isn’t that important to you, or why she might have turned you down.

Now, what if she couldn’t make that lunch date but would have if she didn’t have another appointment?  She just assumed another lunch date would be forthcoming and didn’t bother mentioning it then and there.  All that post-rejection fussing on your part was wasted time, and may have impaired an otherwise productive relationship.  The most effective response to this would be a survey of how often you feel such rejection.  If, after honest appraisal, you come up with an inordinate number of times, then it’s a good guess that the rejection has more to do with your overactive feelings of rejection than of others truly rejecting you.  In such a case, you need to be more wary of initial feelings of rejection in the future.  On the other hand, if they occur rarely, then consider that life has uncertainties that sometimes cause unwarranted negative feelings.  Learn More »

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