The Insatiable Male. Part 1

By Bob Rausch, Ph.D.

For the past 28 years I have been in the business of helping people solve their problems. During this time, I have seen literally hundreds of people however; one type of person has captivated my interest – the insatiable male. I continue to be intrigued by these individuals for two reasons. First of all, the more coaching and consulting I do the more insatiable males I discover. Secondly, most insatiable males feel trapped and are looking for a way to satisfaction.

Insatiable males are men from all walks of life. They are hard-working individuals who strive to make the American dream come true. Many of them have achieved some degree of outward success.

Whatever degree of success it has not brought them the contentment or the satisfaction they expected. They are diligent and industrious individuals who need to excel and to “prove” they can be successful. However, their results lead to frustration and stress instead of satisfaction. They feel inadequate in spite of numerous accomplishments. Many feel guilty because they have devoted so much of their life to work and neglecting family involvement.

These men want change in their lives but can’t pinpoint where change has to take place. Most of them say they feel trapped or on a treadmill with no way off. For them, there’s never enough time, sex, energy, accomplishments, money, or love.

How They Became Insatiable

Insatiable males are the result of sociological influences following World War II. In 1945, an unprecedented event began in our country called the Baby Boom. From 1945 to 1959, some 70 million children were born in the United States. A new age of prosperity and opportunity dawned after World War II, and with it the manpower to make it happen. “Beat the Russians” was the name of the game. Pregnancy became equated with patriotism and our government applauded the efforts.

From the beginning, everyone knew that these youngsters would be a special generation. These little bundles of joy were the future for America. They were to be the best and the brightest and reared in the strongest and wealthiest nation in the world.

Parents aspired for their children to be scientists, engineers, doctors, lawyers, and maybe even President! Education was aimed at producing graduates who would be advanced enough to insure our nations’ status as world leaders. If ever success for an individual would be possible, it would be possible for the baby boomer.

Baby Boomers couldn’t have missed the message if they tried. Society trumpeted it loud and clear: You are special. Much is expected of you. You can achieve whatever you want if you just try hard enough.

Female baby boomers also got these messages. They were encouraged to attend college to pursue careers such as nursing, teaching, and secretarial positions. A female baby boomer’s clearly defined role was to support her aspiring husband and be mother to his children.

Their male counter-parts were groomed for places of leadership by parents, schools, and governments. In this process, male boomers were encouraged to do things early – walk, talk, potty-train, and read. So they not only got the message that they were special, but that they were to assume more responsibility by virtue of gender alone.

These children were not only encouraged, but were pampered and protected by well-meaning parents. Hard work and responsibility in the home were often replaced by entertainment. It became much easier, to flip on the TV, or turn on the stereo, than to spend time with children establishing goals, or communicating values. Success, then, became a means of gadgets to entertain and amuse themselves.

For Baby boomers the values of honesty, fidelity, modesty or loyalty were not emphasized for survival. These seemed to be leftover tools of an ancient America, which had viewed success in terms of personal satisfaction in life. The “new” society needed new tools to obtain success. According to this new definition, success was measured in terms of money, accomplishments, and status. These new tools took the form of improved communication skills, positive thinking, and “get-ahead” techniques. Society now dictated to us more how success looked, than how it felt. Baby boomers added “image-maintenance” to their tool set, look “good” at any cost.

The message to baby boomers, males in particular, was compete: There’s plenty to be had. You can have it all if you work hard enough; and when you have it all, you will finally be satisfied and successful.


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